DOMS

Yesterday was my first time at a pump class for quite some time. The classes during the week don't fit with my work hours so I jumped at the chance yesterday morning since I was up and about to get to the gym and hit the class.

I loved being back at pump and the the instructor did release 45 so the music was like a blast from the past and I had a great time. I had my weights about the same as what I've used in the past and felt like I had a good workout.

Today I have DOMS. Sitting down to use the toilet is slightly uncomfortable through my thighs and I can feel the muscles in my back too. Interestingly, my biceps were burning through the track yesterday but they are feeling ok now.

I wish I could get to more classes during the week but since my gym is near my home and I work in the CBD it just isn't going to happen so I think Saturday mornings will be a permanent pump class day.

Getting back into things

So I've slowly been getting movement back into my knee and over the weekend got a few kilometres under belt just out walking and also with a gentle run on the treadmill. Today though I felt as if things have been feeling much better so I decided I've give my running challenge a go again.

I knew to be careful and not overdo things but I figured my fitness has been maintained so need to go back to square one, so I just went back a couple of days in the program and instead of running at 10-12km/h I dialled it back to 9-9.5km/h. Bit frustrating having to run slower but better to get stronger going slowly than do any damage going fast. Pleased to say I easily got through that program so should be back to where I was a few weeks ago within a few days - yay!

My head is a bit all over the place with food choices at the moment which is frustrating and I start with all the best intentions in the world and then it goes downhill and too often has ended up with binge eating. Think I need to tell myself to snap out of whatever is going on and sort my shit out and insert some necessary self-control.

My new job is great and I'm enjoying it immensely, does tend to lend itself to not eating regularly and therefore more tempting to grab foods on the run or a chocolate bar for lunch etc but with good planning and stocking of my drawer and the fridge at work I think I will be fine.

Now I'm able to use my left leg again I'll be asking for another program at the gym which focuses on more than just my back and arms - although I must say they have got some definition to them at the moment thanks to getting a few extra days than normal!

I think to help on the food front I will be sitting down this weekend and making a plan, when I know what I'm expecting for the week it helps keep me on track. As they say, failing to plan is planning to fail.

The magic of a week

This week has seen some good news for me and I am feeling much more upbeat about things. I was offered a full-time permanent position doing something I love and am good at and I was able to complete my contract where I had been working so that I finished on Friday and therefore can start my new role tomorrow, I am very excited but also a bit nervous.

I also did some more research into the diet plan of the health coach I was looking at using and decided that it really wasn't me, especially with putting my body into ketosis and playing around with that. I have a medical condition which can be quite significantly impacted if you play around with ketogenics, so much so that it is sometimes used to help control the condition particularly in children but in a hospitalised situation. Needless to say I have decided this is not the path for me.

I have been going through my old 12wbt recipes as well as some other resources I have and planning my meals from there and focusing on healthy, nutritious meals and foods I enjoy. It is about portion control and making wise decisions but not necessarily restricting myself completely from everything I enjoy.

I also had a bit of a breakdown about my own self-image and feelings to my husband and it was a really good conversation and made me realise that for me I hold being skinny on quite a pedestal and I really want to be skinny but at the same time I want to bit fit and toned and made me think about why do I want to be skinny so much and will I ever get to the place where I am happy with my look. It is quite scary to step back and look at it and think it could be a slippery slope into an eating disorder if I don't assess things and take a look at myself.

Also, despite my knee still leaving me out of any sort of running or leg action I have been back in the gym and got a program done up with one of the trainers to focus on what I can do until my knee is back to normal. I had physio on Thursday and she said if I'd fallen slightly harder on my knee or fell to a different angle by the slightest degree I may have dislocated by knee, but lucky it appears I've torn the fibrous tissue holding my knee cap which means it's a bit wobbly but not dislocated - phew! Hopefully I'll be back pounding the pavement in about four weeks time.

So, I'm looking forward to the week ahead. I've got the challenges of a new job which I can't wait to sink my teeth into, I've got a pantry and fridge stocked with all the foods I need to make wise food choices and I've got a program to be working on in the gym. I feel as if everything is on track again and that makes me happy.

Back to the gym

Today I was back in the gym after not going since I hurt my knee.

I did a weight session focusing on my arms and back and did a 15 minute low intensity cycle to start. My knee was ok whilst I was cycling however certain movements during the weights, specifically where I rested on my knees, was a bit painful.

I've been off the crutches and out of any knee support over the weekend and I will admit my knee has been aching so hopefully that is just because its getting used to moving again. I will be careful not to overdo it as I get back into the swing of things at the gym as I don't want to do more damage and if it doesn't stop aching I think I might have to pay a visit to a physio but here's hoping it will sort itself out.

I went for a very slow walk with my husband and our dog this evening which I enjoyed, it was nice to be back outside walking, however I did need to rest my knee afterwards and it also made me a bit sad I can't be out there running.

Last week my husband was driving mevinto and picking me up from work in the city and as we would head home each evening I'd often see people out running and comment how jealous I was. My husband said one night "hashtag things Anna wouldn't have said twelve months ago". This cemented for me just how much my exercise has changed but also the mindset which goes along with it.

I am frustrated my goal to get to 10km has been halted but I will be back on it as soon as I can. Even if it might be just walking to start with and slowly building back up to running. Fingers crossed its sooner rather than later.

For now I will focus on doing the low intensity cardio which I am able to participate in without pain and keep doing weights for my areas which aren't legs. It can be very tempting to not do anything but I know I need to keep the routine up and now I am able to drive myself again I'll be back in the gym and keeping on with my workouts.

In regards to my nutrition I am trying a new program out. I have to admit I'm a little bit skeptical as it seems to cut out a lot of carbohydrates and I'm not that keen on sacrificing food areas to ensure weight loss because I don't think that is maintainable in the long run but I'll give it a go and see if it suits me. It's also quite big on having you take supplements which again I'm a bit skeptical about, I tend to prefer to give my body what it needs through food rather than with pills and potions.

Weight loss really is a journey and I'm prepared to give things a go and see if it works for me. I was contemplating signing up for the current round of 12wbt to get back on track but instead have ended up on this other program and I am regretting it a bit if I'm honest. Oh well I can't change that now. I'll give it a go for at least a month, as that how the program is structured and then see what I want to do from there.

So much inside my head at the moment about my training and food as well as things in life. It would be nice to be able to shut it all out sometimes - maybe I need to get into yoga!

Emotions and food

I am an emotional eater. I have been for as long as I can remember and it is certainly part of the reason I got as big as I did. I understand the quote "I eat because I'm unhappy and I'm unhappy because I eat."

Part of the weight loss/lifestyle change for me has been trying to disconnect my emotions from food. I am certainly better than I used to be but no matter what I eat it still triggers emotions and I do still turn to food as a comfort sometimes.

Trying to change these habits is hard and while I've been out of exercise due to my knee I've tended to turn to food because I've not had exercise as my go-to space. Not exercising and instead eating for comfort has led to me being remarkably emotional and also feeling quite down about myself, particularly in regards to my food choices.

Today I had had a really good day, I shouldn't refer to it as a good day but I'd made wise choices and still choices that I had really enjoyed, then my husband suggested we go out for dinner and I ate way too much and feel really gross and guilty about it. I feel like I let myself down and now my brain is reprimanding myself for choices I made. As someone who experiences these feelings I can understand how people get to the stage where the voices take over and sadly they end up with eating disorders and extremely ill.

I know I need to disengage this connection with good/bad, guilty/innocent when it comes to food because that in itself plays into the whole emotional eating side of things. I should eat what I like and enjoy it, which includes lots of delicious fruit, vegetables, meats, dairy and wholemeal grains as well as chocolate and ice cream. I should eat in moderation for what my body needs and not link things to being bad or good foods or feeling filled with guilt  about my choices. However, this is so much easier said than done.

I am hoping with my fitness/health coach I will be able to work on some of these head issues in regards to my nutrition to help keep me on track and reaching the goals I want.

Refocusing and Reassessing

So I've been reassessing my goals in regards to my health and fitness, I have to say hurting my knee was part of re-examining things because obviously running is off the cards for a little bit, which is really frustrating, but I can't run on my knee and that's a reality not an excuse. I'll be back doing what I can as soon as I can - I am hating having to lounge around and not be able to do things. My husband keeps telling me to sit down whenever I try and do anything, I know I need to rest my knee but I don't like feeling a bit helpless!!!

Anyway, I've been thinking about where I am currently am with my health and fitness and have made some decisions about things I want to achieve. I am quite happy with my fitness but would like to continue to build my strength up through weights and also tone up. I also really want to get to my 10km running goal so I will be back on that as soon as I can. To do this I will be getting a program through the gym and then continuing with the running app as well.

In regards to my health, my diet has not been as good as it should be and since moving to Brisbane a few kilos have come back on. My clothes all still feel good and they fit me but I'm very conscious of slipping into bad habits with my diet and so I need to pull myself up on this. I have such a fear of gaining back all the weight I've lost but at the same time find eating not-so-healthy foods happening more than it should.

I met with Ray Hope today who is an Australia powerlifting champion to discuss my goals. He is going to help me achieve my goals through a structured meal plan and some extra exercise tips. He is also going to help me work out why I want to achieve these things and working on my mindset to help me get the most out of myself. I'm quite excited about the prospects this may hold.

So with a new week upon me I will be making healthy meal choices and snacking wisely and as soon as I'm out of the leg brace and off the crutches will be hitting the gym, although it will be my arms probably getting a decent workout for now.

A Setback

Feeling rather frustrated today.

I slipped at the train station on Wednesday and fell and hurt my knee. I was fine at the time aside from an obvious graze and the fact I was bleeding but cleaned it all up and was on my way. I went to the gym that night and did my running program doing about 5km and then a 15km cycle. I went to work yesterday and was fine then about 11am my knee started to burn but I assumed it was just my graze.

Anyway, as the day progressed my knee got progressively more painful and by the time I got home last night I was limping quite significantly and in a fair bit of pain. As the night progressed the pain continued to increase to the point where I was suffering nausea and crying from the pain. My husband and I made the decision I needed to go and get it checked out because there was no way I could cope with that pain so off we went to the hospital.

Thankfully it's nothing serious and nothing is broken but rather it is a nasty sprain, however I'm not allowed to weight bear today so I spent the morning in bed and now I'm on the couch. I'm all dosed up on painkillers to try and manage the excruciating pain and I have a leg brace to provide some support too.

I'm so frustrated because this will halt my running and exercise, I had to cancel my program planning I had for tomorrow and I just hate being so confined. It's ok when you choose to have a break but being forced to is annoying, especially as I really want to re-focus on my diet and exercise and get some more kilos off and get fitter.

As frustrating as this rest is I know I need to do it because I literally can't walk on my left leg and I know I need to make sure not to push it too hard too soon because otherwise I'll do more damage and only prolong my recovery.

Here is me hobbling around.

On a more positive note, I am meeting with Australian powerlifter Ray Hope on Sunday as part of his campaign to have 1000 healthy people by Christmas, to see if he can help me reach my goals. Additionally, my husband and I are off to see Hugh Laurie perform so that will certainly be a very bright point in my day and is something I've been looking forward to for a couple of months. I'll just be sure to make sure I've got a good supply of painkillers with me!